Dear unknown friend,
Have you got an idea of why life is growing you?
Life grows many plants, and no plant has to be all plants at the same time. I'm saying this because I have been poisoned by guilt for such a long time (it's much better now but I've still more soul cleaning to do).
I felt guilty, for instance, of not being a committed activist. I love the earth. Greed and ignorance wrecks it. Why am I not fighting with all my strength and heart?
In this state of mind, I went once to a meeting of a local Greenpeace group. Ironically, an environmentalist activist meeting didn't feel like a good environment for me at all. It was all so action and facts oriented that I felt out of place with my bag of emotional needs and desires. It was all about serious battles for the Arctic, the climate, the polar bears and others great causes, but nothing about intimate ecology. It was just not the place for me. I didn't go back. I felt guilty about it, but I decided to believe more firmly that life is growing me for another purpose.
Guilt is a psychic force. Guilt, like desire, exists first, and finds reasons to explain itself only in a second time.
Freud explained this very well about our sexual impulses: the instinctual drive exists first, and then finds their object in the environment. That's why some people are lesbian or gay: if nature had attached the impulse to the other gender in an absolute fashion, homosexuality would simply never happen at all.
But it does... Anyway. I am convinced that other psychic forces, like guilt, work in the same way: they exist first, and we look for reasons to feel guilty only in a second time.
There are only a few cases when we are really guilty of some bad actions and are blamed by parents or justice for it, but for most of us, guilt just is, independently.
That's why I felt guilty of not being an activist. But life grows many plants, and no plant has to be all plants at the same time. I don't have to feel guilty for not investing my time and strengths in the environmentalist cause. Life is growing me to alleviate psychic pain in my environment. That's the task life gave me by loading me with such work to do within myself, and naturally, ecologically, the more I recycle the emotional waste within, the more I'm doing it for my environment at the same time.
I have great admiration and gratitude for all the activist giving of their lives to protect nature, fight for social justice, denounce abuses and crimes. Thank you.
I am also convinced that armies of activists could win all their battles, if they still carry emotional pains within themselves, they can only keep spreading them like another pollution. Rainbow warriors need inner medicine...
That's my job, and believing in it is the answer to the guilt of not being what I am not. No plant can be all the plants at the same time.
Why kind of plant are you?