Dear unknown friend,
Maybe one day it will be simple and easy to tell someone something like this:
"Look, I may look like an adult, but for some reasons, emotionally, I have not been able to grow up fully...
When a tree grows in a soil where there are more rocks than earth it doesn't become high.
Even if trees had will power, they could not force themselves to grow without earth around the roots. Neither can we.
I am asking for your help.
I am not always behaving like a child, but sometimes I do.
I need to be accepted even when I am immature. It would really help me complete my growth"
Of course, nowadays, talking like this would generate embarrassment. In the best case, people would just tell the author of such words to find professional help.
Psychotherapists are very useful, especially the good ones, but we would not need them so much if we were more open hearted and balanced.
The big issue nowadays is that many people who consider themselves adult, mature and reasonable, are actually not. They are emotionally stiff, which looks reasonable, but they are not mature.
As soon as they are confronted with strong emotions, they feel ill at ease, they reject, they protect themselves... The human who is blowing the emotional wind is labelled "unacceptable", "toxic" or "negative", made responsible for causing trouble and kept at a safe distance.
Those who are really mature are able to stand in the wind when it blows.
Those who need to protect themselves against other people's emotions are still in a state of childhood.
I recently committed, once again, the mistake of believing that, just because sometimes, I am able to understand other people's anxieties and inner turmoil, I should be met with tolerance, understanding and a loving attitude when my own anger, exasperation or grief comes up to the surface...
I believed that we were like mountaineers roped together. When one slips, others save him from falling. I was really surprised. They cut the rope instead...
I won't give the details of this particular story. They banned me from their presence. I was extremely surprised. I often spontaneously give emotional support. I believed friends would spontaneously do the same for me.
Now, the hurt child in me has to deal with feeling rejected. This is a deep and old wound that has be re opened. It makes me feel guilty, ashamed and bad. It makes me feel angry and resentful. It makes me dream of violence and black magic. It makes me want revenge. It makes me feel overwhelmed with dark feelings....
When I am in this state, I try to remember what I believe in. I've got to heal my pain.
I say to myself that it's OK to be the way I am. I can love myself, I can understand myself, I can accept myself, because I am life and life is like that, like I am now. I am human.
When I am full pain and pain turns into resentment I try to remember, Jesus Christ being tortured to death and crying to God: "Forgive them because they don't know what they are doing"
Jesus walked the talk. The more you're in pain, the more difficult it is to forgive.
Jesus was still conscious enough to see the facts: the unconscious mind exists. More often than not we don't know what we are doing.
When we are unconscious, we trigger and get triggered. One person's emotions induces emotions in others.....We become like dominoes falling one after the other....
When we can help each other it's wonderful. When we expect help from people who don't know what they are doing, we don't know what we are doing either.
We are not fully awakened yet...
May all beings be forgiven.